A big can of Chickpeas

  Is muttled a word? The little red line underlining it here indicates that it's not. But... it's my BLOG and I don't really care about the little red line. I can make up any word I want to here... and it feels like a relief to know I can do so. My boss' late husband (who I liked very much), used to make up words from time to time (make up or confuse... doesn't matter, they were always amusing) My favorite was "aggranoying". It was hard not to laugh when Andy was "aggranoid", because the word was just so damn funny!
 So 'muttled'.... my brain is racing like it usually does, and lately I've found myself wondering if I've changed, or if some of my friends have changed, if everybody changes in general... or if I've just been completely blind and not known who they've always been. Of course I'm inclined to think that some of them were really crafty and hid certain aspects of their personalities very well, because I don't want to appear to have been blind and stupid, but being ignorant actually sucks less than believing these people I love aren't who I thought they were.
 So odd for this to happen at this stage of my life. Doesn't this type of thing happen in high school? I'll be 40 in the very-far-away-from-now month of September. I would think that at this point, the friendships I've had for decades would be set in mortar. No surprises, no upsets. Just columns of rock like Stonehenge... never changing and not going anywhere anytime soon. But one of those great stones has fallen... and I fear another is teetering. Odd thing is, I've been the one to push it over. Stonehenge was better off without that particular rock, and I'm really questioning the one on the edge.
 Am I becoming old and crotchety...? Paranoid, even? One of my friend's father has become almost delusional with paranoia. He's not mentally ill, I don't think.. he's just getting older and the world is out to get him and nothing is how it should be and dagnabbit, he's paranoid and... and ... aggranoid!
 My sweet Odge, a little less emotionally attached (more emotionally detatched?) says "Sometimes you just have to let go of certain people in your life." At first this seemed completely alien to me. Horrifying, even. I've spent my life herding people together, counting my sheep and always rounding up the escapees back into the flock. I'm on good terms with my ex's (even if they don't deserve it:) probably because of this need to have my people orbiting around me... if I lose one I might blow an ocean out my right ear or something. But now my Odge, older and wiser...  not yet crotchety, paranoid or aggranoid, might be making sense with his theories about letting people go. His method is to let them slip away. Me... well it's like those huge columns falling. I can't lose someone without my world thundering and crashing down around me. I usually draw in a few other people, too.. you know, to absorb some of the aftershock.
 But...maybe you gotta let those stones fall when and where they will. The ones that didn't fall, the ones I couldn't push over, are the ones I can rely on.
I'm feeling slightly less muttled (and muddled, which is probably what I was originally going for seeing as there is no red line under THAT word). You folks, however, are probably more muttled than ever... Stones...? What? WhatEVER!
:)

First of all,
 Most vegetarian recipes really suck. Oh I know.. you all have a great one..and for those of you who are vegetarian, they're all great (because you've not known the truly wonderful taste of meat, at least not for a long time) but in general... vegetarian recipes (and I've made a lot of them) are, for the most part, bland and unexciting. Which is stupid, because it's SPICES that lend flavor to our meals... yet most of the veg recipes I make usually call for ONE clove of garlic and ONE onion... for a meal that should serve six? What is that? That's just silly.
 Now, for opinions. Opinions seem to be more volatile than onions.
 I can't tell you how many times I've been asked for my opinion in the subject of love/relationships. I'm not a true expert in anything,,, but people tend to earnestly ask me my opinion in this subject regularly. And most times I end up squinting my eyes, shaking my head and thinking... what?> Because most of the time, either a girlfriend or a gay male friend of mine has fallen for some complete arsehole who treats them dis-respectfully and it would seem as though they want me to say "Just hang in there! They're worth it!" - because when I DON'T say that.. they log off faster than you could imagine.
 I know I know.. those of you who know me are saying.. didn't you date that arsehole? Well the fact of the matter is, I DID date that arsehole, AND his twin brother and cousin and clone. Then I got fed up and decided.. nope.. this isn't working and I deserve better than that. Not because I am such a great person...I am not accomplished or beautiful or a brainiac... but just because there is a certain level of basic self respect that I think we all need to learn, that people need to see in us and know we possess in order for them to give us what we feel we deserve. And after that I met a guy who respected me, who wouldn't even dream of treating anyone disrespectfully... let alone someone he hoped would be interested in dating him. THEY ARE OUT THERE.
 My opinion.... always let the person you are dating get the impression that you don't NEED them to feel complete. That feeling is meant for a spouse, not someone you've dated 3 times. Or 5. Or 25. Always love yourself more.. because you truly need to love yourself before the other person can love you.
 My opinion... if the person you're dating is playing games.. you're too old for games (at least if you're  my friend you are very likely too old for games!)
My opinion - is what you asked for.If you don't like it..you don't have to read it. But be sure you want it before you ask for it. I've had friends who have just been friends, I guess. "Basically telling me I'm right at every juncture..and I wsan't right. They were just telling me what I wanted to hear. And I was wrong. Do I think they weren't good friend? Nah... they did what they felt was right and they did it because they loved me. Just know..I say what I say because I love YOU.

  Since I can't access this BLOG through messenger anymore.. or at least in no way that I can figure out... it surprises me that I can access it, and write in it, just from typing in the BLOG name in my search engine. So I guess anyone who did so could have their bit o' fun and enter a BLOG here. If they'd like to, that's fine I guess.. but I would hate to think that anyone could do that anytime, forever and ever. Despite the fact that I have ignored my BLOG, it doesn't mean that I feel it's OK for it to belong to anyone else.
 So Mexico was pretty cool. I ate and drank a lot.. and Jackie was pretty much the perfect partner in eating and drinking crime. By day four we were both pretty much constipated beyond belief, but the chateaubriand and drinks of the day were worth it. I swam in the ocean.. just walked right into that motherfucker without blue toes or cramps or nothin'. I swam with beautiful fishies, I lay on the beach, I waded in pools, I jaccuzied on my balcony and went to the spa. I lived the life.  I wore a bikini! Yes folks.. the beauty of going somewhere you'll never be again is doing those things you said you'd never do.
 But I'd go back in a second:)

 So here I am.. back from Mexico and back in my BLOG. The reason I was away needs not to be brought up.. but I feel like I am at a point beyond caring about that. I miss pouring out my thoughts, and once again everyone is welcome to read them.
' My folks place is up for sale. I need to go and scatter some of dad's ashes in the back yard.. it's the only place he specifically asked to be. The places that I've had him sprinkled.. he would love but never would have asked us to make that journey. Luckily, I have friends in many places (thank you Steph and Myke) and have many more venues planned. With mom... I'm not so sure. She wil need to be kept close to me, but soon out of the drawer because I know she is clausterphoic. We have a children's puzzle,,, one where the animal makes it's sound if you put it in the right place. Many, many times.. usually daily, for no reason the animal sounds go off.. making themselves heard.. and I can't help but feel that mom is telling me to get her out of the godamned drawer already.

 Easter tomorrow.. One wonders if celebrations were meant to actually celebrate a person or an event.. or if it was just an excuse to make a big meal and drink your face off. I don't really care either way.